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| So for some reason lately I've been spending time thinking about life
and such. That and the fact that this is an excuse to
procrastinate. A lot of these thoughts come from some recent
discussions that I've had with my mom about things and what is going on
in my life.
I guess I should listen to her more often.
She tells me that I need to stop settling for less... I need to wait
for something or someone out there that is going to be as wonderful for
me as I am for them. When I was younger, my mom tells me that I
was the type of kid that always looked for the best in everybody.
There was a girl in 3rd grade who would purposely be mean to me to
upset me. On the last day of school that year, I was preparing to
go to a different school and my mom asked me, "I bet you're not going
to miss her, are you?" and I said "Well, she was nice to me
sometimes." My mom loves telling me this story. But in a
way it is also my downfall. I guess I just try too hard to look
for the good in people no matter how much they abuse me. I really
need to learn how to stand up for myself and GET OUT.
Recent events in my life, mainly my grandmother passing away and
spending time with my family... All of these things have really put
life into a different perspective for me. And I know I've changed
in a way in the past couple of weeks. I feel like it's important
to live life day by day, and not to let other bad situations bother me
so much. You never know when God will decide that it's time for
you to go, and you never know what you might be missing out on if you
dwell on the past and what could be. I guess these new views on
life have tought me to suck it up and move on from disappointments in
my life. You only have so much time to do what you want to.
You can't sit around and wait forever for what it is you want.
Instead, I'm choosing to put it all in the past and look for what it is
that makes me happy. This could end up being entirely different
from what I want, but that's okay. I need to embrace it.
And I'm working on that. No more tears over what could have
been. Just smiles for what will be if I'm patient and let it come
to me.
P.S. MONTANA WAS FRIGGIN AWESOME! And yes, Britt, you are
right. There are people out there. The area was so
beautiful, and I swear I've never seen so many stars in the sky at
once. The men there sure know how to treat ladies too. I
went to a bar with my cousins, and guys at the bar were buying us
drinks and they even bought us roses, and we hadn't even talked to them
at all that night. That would NEVER happen to me here! My
cousin and I were like "we could definitely get used to this". I
also learned that everybody in my family can drink like a fish... rock
on.
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| what girls want...
Play with her hair.
Talk to her in movie theatres.
Snuggle, Hold her hand, and lightly kiss her.
Pick her up and pretend youre going to throw her in the river; she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she'll love it.
Hold her hand and walk. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand.
Pick flowers from other peoples yards and give them to her.
Tell her she looks beautiful.
Introduce her to your friends as "The most amazing girl I know''.
Sit in the park and talk to her.
Tell her stupid jokes...Whatever it takes to make her Laugh.
Walk with her, even if its just around the block.
Throw pebbles at her window at night.
Surprise her.
Do things that make her smile, make her laugh, and make her want to kiss you right on the face.
Be spontaneous.
When she starts yelling at you, tell her you love her.
Give her back rubs.
Play mud football with her.
Play in the snow with her.
Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Call her... even if its just to say hi.
Call her back if she calls you.
Sing to her, no matter how bad you are.
Get her mad, then kiss her.
Push her on swings.
Give her piggy-back rides.
Stay up with her all night.
Leave her little unexpected notes.. on the car, or on her door, or in her locker saying how much she means to you.
Take her to romantic places and lay out blankets to look at the stars.
Make up nicknames for eachother.
Show up at her school or class unexpectedly.
Send flowers and dorky notes that only you two understand.
Make her cds of songs that remind you of her.
Write her letters.
If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour car trip.
Go out on a road trip even if theres no destination or you cant be gone long.
Take her to cool shops, and let her take you to even cooler ones.
Listen to her favorite songs.
When shes sad or sick, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything.
Buy her ice cream.
Let her take all the pictures of you she wants.
Look into her eyes.
Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast.
Make her a romantic dinner for special days.
Remember dates.. even ones like your first kiss or date and surprise her on the anniversary.
Kiss her in the rain. Kiss her in the snow... Kiss her when she least expects it.
When you fall in love with her, tell her. | | |
| Dear Grandma,
It seems so
surreal to me that you’re gone. Just yesterday I was out with my friends
when I found out what happened. The first thing I said was “I’m coming
home”. And I did. It still seems like you may still be here and one
day I’ll walk into your room at the Atrium and see you sitting there watching
channel 13 on TV, because that was your favorite channel to watch.
Even though we had
our differences when I was a child, I know that deep down you always loved and
cared for us and that was your way of showing it to us. I remember one
day when you were here, we were standing at the windows in my house watching RJ
skateboard outside and all you could ask me was “Is he allowed to do
that? Your mother lets him? He’s going to hurt himself!” and I
thought you were strange because of that, but I know you just wanted what was
best for us. Even when you had to dress us, and you told RJ to “put your
stockings on”. We still look back on that day and laugh because we
thought it was so absurd that you would tell a boy to put his stockings on.
You were probably
the one who introduced me to musicals and song and dance. You always had
a strong appreciation for the fine arts, and I remember watching musicals with
you as a child such as My Fair Lady and The Sound of Music. You were one
of the classiest and strongest women that I have ever known.
The holidays will
never be the same without you. You always made the most amazing
Thanksgiving dinners for us and I always loved your sweet potatoes and buttered
rolls. Christmas was always amusing because you would always take your
time unwrapping your presents because you didn’t want to rip the paper. You
used to stay at our house and refer to our cat as “that cat” and you would
refer to us as “you people.” It is these little things that I will miss
the most about you.
When you came to
live near us in Wayne at the Atrium, I began to get to know you so much better
than I ever did and I got to know you on a different level. You were the
cutest little lady and I will never forget the little things you did that were
just humorous such as collecting straws and cutting in front of the crowd to get
to the dining room. Every time I visited you, it was something new.
Grandma, I was so
scared when you fell and broke your hip last month. When I found out what
happened, I went to the hospital to be with you when nobody else could and I
cried for you because you were in so much pain. I sat by your side that
day, and the next day when you went into surgery. It made me so happy to
be there for you because I care about you so much. In a way, I’m almost
happy that it happened because I got to spend so much time with you before I
left for school. When my mom told me that you were home, I cried because
I was so happy to hear that. I know you were happy living at the Atrium,
and all I wanted was the best for you.
I know you’re in a
better place now where God and his angels will watch over you. I know I
will see you again someday in heaven. Until then I have the fond memories
of you that I will never forget. I love you Grandma, and I will miss
you. We all will.
With much love,
Allison | | |
| I seem to have forgotten who I am.
I need somebody to remind me.
I know I can't keep living like this.
I want to be me again.
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| Ever wonder what the purpose of higher education really is?
Recently I have. Yeah, basically college is to teach you how to
think in a way that is conducive to what you want to do later in
life. But seriously... Here at RPI, education isn't cheap at 40k
a year. My major, Architecture, will cost 200k by the time i
graduate. That's insane. Think about it... When you
graduate, you'll be lucky if you're making 50k a year. Is that
kind of payoff really worth it? In order to even save the 200k
that you've spent on your college education, it would take years to
come up with that kind of money when you take into account living
expenses and such. I had a friend in high school who got his
licence to be a mechanic, and for a while he was making 70k a
year. This kid owns a house in New Mexico and owns about 5
cars. But then he gave up that job to go back to school and in
the end he'll probably be making less money as a teacher for the deaf
than as a mechanic. So what's the right answer? Not go to
college, and make more money, but probably never have the kind of
knowledge you would acquire in college? Or spend the money to go
to college and make LESS money in the end?
Don't get me wrong... I love being in college. These are going to
be the best times of my life, and I'm going to live it up. I
don't regret being here. But at the same time I can't help but
wonder how my life be if I didn't come here. Would I be flippin
burgers at Burger King, or would I be making 70k in a job in the
trades? And if i was making that kind of money, would I already
have a house of my own and a nice car? One of my friends that I
graduated is actually at that point now. He's working in
construction... Drives a Navigator or Accord... I don't even know
anymore, and has a house. That's hot... But at the same time, I
don't know if I could do that because I would miss out on so many of
the great things that are going on in my life now.
Just some food for thought 
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